Lee Lewis looked down at his well-worn boots as he toed the rocks in the driveway between the machine sheds and the grain bins. Conversation stopped. He talked about the morning his dad died in a one-car accident, not looking up again until the tale was told. Then his head tipped up and his blue eyes laser-focused on me.
“I don’t know why I didn’t stop him that morning.”
Sadness radiated from him. Guilt. Regret.
We just stood there in the sunshine and let it settle.
What happened is that Melvin Lewis, 75, drove by his son’s house that morning on the way to take care of something on the farm. Minutes later he was dead. Lee saw him drive by, gave a wave, then went about his business. Most mornings he would have stopped his dad for a chat. But he didn’t that morning. And that’s what haunts him.
It wasn’t something anybody could fix for Lee, certainly not with words. Anything that could be said to console him, absolve him, were things he already knew. Deep down. He just couldn’t give himself that break. Not yet.
It’s been two years since we stood in that farmyard. Learning to stay quiet in moments like that is a challenge for me. Maybe it is for you, too. Not everybody wants absolution or needs you to fix something. They just need to say it out loud. And giving somebody that space is all the help you can or should provide.
So, why am I opening my yap today? This isn’t what you expect in this magazine. We’re all about business. But we’re discovering more and more that good mental health is essential for strong business management.
And then, well, because that moment still lives with me two years later. Obviously, I can keep my trap shut on occasion, but apparently not forever. And, mostly, because one of you, my dear readers, might be carrying around unwarranted guilt and regret over something and it’s making you sad.
Don’t just live with that. Talk about it to whoever gives you space. Unload to the Walmart cashier. (One recently unloaded to me, so you can return the favor.) Or talk to a stranger who shows up to interview you. It might be easier than talking to your spouse, or your kid or your best friend. Other options? Talk to a professional, or call one of those mental health hotlines.
If you can’t give yourself a bit of grace, somebody is out there who will help you learn how to do that. The world piles plenty of pressure on each of us. We don’t need to add to it. So, as we come into the ultra-scalding pressure of the holidays, this is your reminder to give yourself that break. Lee deserves it. And so do you.